It’s okay.

“It took many years of vomiting up all the filth I’d been taught about myself, and half-believed, before I was able to walk on the earth as though I had a right to be here.”James Baldwin.

You have a right to be here. You are human, you have a brain, and a face and a heart that pumps blood through your body. So why are we questioning our self worthiness?

Self love (according to American Heritage Med Dictionary):The instinct or desire to promote one’s own well-being; regard for or love of one’s self.

Well I have something to say.

It is okay to not like parts of yourself, it is okay to have a soft tummy, it is okay to be opinionated, it is okay to not like olives, it is okay to be shy, it is okay to be tall, it is okay to be short, it is okay to love cartoons when you’re 40, it is okay to live your dreams, it is okay to be selfish, it is okay to not be okay, it is okay to have regrets, it is okay to hurt, it is okay to cry, it is okay to like girls, it is okay to like boys, it is okay to like both, it is okay to take a thousand selfies, it is okay to fail, it is okay to succeed, it is okay to be yourself.

I can’t stress this enough. Once you accept every fault, every failure, every imperfection that makes you up, you will be okay. After all, we are all human. We all have brains, hearts and faces. The beauty of existence is that there is no one alive right now like you. Embrace your differences, embrace every little thing that you hate. Because at least there is something to hate. Embrace yourself.

I wish.

1. …to know what I’m doing with my life. 2… for no gender gap. 3… that people wouldn’t be so god damn judgmental. 3… for happiness for everyone. 4… that I was capable of loving. 5… that I knew the answer to all the big questions. 6… that war would stop and humans could realise we are all human. 7… that my parents would stop worrying about me. 8… that i could mute the voice in my head for a day. 9… that every person in the world has somewhere to sleep at night. 10… i wish that i actually matter.

 

things guaranteed to make you smile.

1. Give blood. Saving another persons life comes with a happy buzz.

2. Spend time with animals, they have such a carefree outlook on life. Learn from them.

3. Give someone a hug. It releases happy chemicals.

4. Get out of your bedroom. Sit in a park and watch others live their lives.

5. Do something you love. Even if it’s eating a block of chocolate and watching Friends reruns.

6. Write a list of everything you are grateful for.

7. Call someone you love. Even if they’re a million miles away.

8. Play your favourite song and have a dance.

9. Inspire yourself.

10. Love yourself. Even if it takes a year of standing in the mirror and saying to yourself ‘this is who I am.’

A story for each one.

1. I hope she was worth it.

2. You loved shooting up more than you loved me.

3. I wish you had never touched me.

5. I hate that I still think you cared.

6. I wish I didn’t miss you.

7. I left you so you wouldn’t leave me.

8. I wonder whose arms you’re in now.

9. I thought you could fix me.

10. I wasn’t the one who left.

Why you should give teenagers a break.

Being a teenager myself, I have a bit to say on this topic. It’s something I’ve touched on before, and something I will continue to mention for a long time. As teenagers, we look to our parents and the adults around us incredulously, and wonder how they were ever teenagers. How do they not understand? Throughout being a teenager, we are constantly told that we are ‘too young’ to do something, or ‘not allowed’ because of our age. That we can’t make big life decisions without consent of somebody who ‘knows better than us’. Then tell me why adults then turn around and expect us to know exactly what we are going to do with our lives once we turn 18? Hell, even before that. We’ve spent years being told we don’t know what we are doing. But ironically, we are expected to know what we’re doing. Doesn’t anybody understand that we don’t have to know? Don’t parents remember what it was like to grow up and not know their place?

Teenagers are scrutinised. Teenagers are looked down upon by the older generation. Teenagers are blamed for bad things that happen to them. Teenagers are blamed for being teenagers. Didn’t you realise that you’re the generation who raised us? We’re learning from you. 

So please stop stigmatising me. I’m only human. Sure, I’m a teenager. But I don’t have to be your cliche.

Regret.

I live with it everyday. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t live with regret. If they say they have no regrets, then they are lying. Regret is the little nagging voice at the back of your head, reminding you of everything you’ve done ‘wrong’. And turning off that voice is so much harder than you’d think. So how do you shrug off regret? How do you leave things in the past where they belong when you are being constantly reminded of your mistakes?

Turn them into positive. Turn them into a lesson. Accept that you’ve done wrong, and shitty things happen. Live the cliche that nobody’s perfect. Life is full of regret, but it is also full of joy. Embrace your regret, because hell, it means you’ve lived. Embrace the fact that you’re made up of mistakes and wrongdoing – but love yourself anyway. Even if you can’t comprehend doing that. In this way, we accept ourselves. We love ourselves. And we feel comfortable in our own skin.

The truth.

Edvard Munsch

Edvard Munsch

I have an invisible man. I can’t shake him from my mind. He’s constantly sitting on my shoulder, but he’s invisible and no one except me can see him. The awful thing is, is that he keeps poking me, letting me know that he’s still there, waiting to reveal himself to everyone around me. And that terrifies me more than anything. I can’t run from him, and I can’t hide from him. I feel like I have to take him with me through the rest of my life. I want to rewind time, so that I don’t have to live with him everyday. The invisible man keeps telling me that it was my fault, that I got myself in that situation. My therapist tells me that he is lying to me – but how do I believe her when this man is whispering into my ear? He’s putting his poison into my bloodstream, and hollowing out my insides with guilt and shame. 

He’s eating me away. And I don’t know how I can be free.